I have, my whole life, struggled with awful skin. AWFUL. Sure, I would have periods where I looked okay (usually on some massive medication) but all in all - I had deep acne, uncontrolled redness, unexplainable rashes, terrible unevenness...on and on. I have dumped thousands of dollars into miracle cures and when they didn't work, thousands more into the thickest foundations & concealers so that I could trick myself (for a minute) into believing I looked good.
Except, I never felt good. I was the person who unintentionally saw myself in every reflective surface and internally sighed defeat. I was the woman who would wear makeup to bed or rush to bed with the lights off after washing my face at night because I tried to delude myself that if I didn't SHOW my husband the extent of my awful skin, he'd not know it was an issue. Same game in the morning, RUSH to the bathroom to put on makeup. All a ruse - one that I later admitted didn't work.
I was devastated daily by my skin. It deeply affected my self esteem, my low feelings about myself urged me to stay home versus going out and being around people (which is totally my love language - I need people!), it isolated me.
I decided at the end of my pregnancy with my 3rd daughter that I wanted to be able to have newborn pictures that didn't need massive photo retouching to look elegant. I wanted skin that was PINTEREST worthy! Vain? Maybe a little. But the root of my desire was longing for freedom. Freedom from the dance & game of constantly reapplying makeup all day long. Powders and concealer sticks and paste-like foundations....just to be able to leave the house. Freedom from knowing this crap I'm caking on day-in & day-out is actually AGING my skin far beyond my 33 years. Freedom from pretending that people don't see my acne under the mask before they see ME. Freedom from the questions from my 6 year old "mama why do you need to wear all that 'lotion'" (because I had lied to her and told it it was "just lotion" I was putting on in an effort for her not to think SHE needed makeup to feel pretty - even though I, absolutely would never leave the house without my "lie lotion").
I just wanted freedom. So now I have it. Today, and everyday since the end of July, I wear ONLY mascara (because I have ghostly white eyelashes that you'll see in a moment, that's a bonus feature of finishing my blog entry!). And people are shocked. My husband is floored. My friends and family are speechless when they see MY complexion! MINE! I even had a new friend (who didn't see my skin before) say that she "MARVELS" at my skin and is envious that I don't have to wear makeup! MARVELS! ENVIOUS! OF _MY_ SKIN!
If you would have told me this would be me a mere 4 months ago, I would have been so angry at your marketing lies & empty promises.
So in honor of my mid-year resolution (to stretch my comfort zone and be brave) - here is it. Here's me being BRAVE. Get ready! I need to keep typing because I'm not sure _I'M_ ready! I'm going to show MY skin in all of its awfulness and then now. The pictures are not some small thumbnails you could glance over and pretend "aren't all that bad" or look at now and suggest its not an improvement. This was me and this is me now. I had to scour YEARS of pictures to even find "before" photos because I just never allowed myself to be IN photos. And that, in and of itself, breaks my heart. My kids are 6, 3, & 5 months old. My older girls have so few photos of me when they are younger and this seriously brings tears to my eyes. It wasn't for a lack of trying - I just hadn't found Rodan + Fields until now. So I'm counting my blessings because my kids are ONLY 6, 3 & 5 months old.
I'm not out to convince you. I'm not out to goad you. I'm just here to show you and tell you my story and let you know that BECAUSE of my story (and due to my ultimately skeptical but thoroughly convinced and consequently, biggest cheerleader of a husband's urging to do so), I jumped into a new adventure to help people control what is written on the next chapter of their face. Each day is passing and we get to decide what story our face is going to tell and how many pictures our kids will have of us in them.
Let me know if I can help you transform your internal cringe at your reflection into something you are worthy of - clear, genuine beauty! (I am pushing publish now....without fear....ok with a little fear....and a bit of nerves....and hoping you all love me enough to be kind....and so I'm going to push publish....now....EEEEKKKK....ok....BRAVE!)
NOW
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